Anyway, you know what I hate [besides people who talk in movies, poor customer service, poorly made iced coffee and bugs]? Recipes that don’t work out well. It’s like, you have such high hopes for them, you know? You look at the ingredients and think to yourself, “Self! This will be delicious!” And then you slave over the preparation of it and you so carefully put together all of the ingredients, and you finally taste it and ….meh. That happened to me the other night when my favoritest friend Becky came over to have dinner with the husband and I. Luckily, this week’s recipe is something different that I made this past weekend!

Pancakes are a favorite around here, so I make them fairly often. I’ve mostly perfected the cooking time and the flipping, so they’re a breeze to make. I’ve seen a lot of talk of ricotta cheese pancakes as of late and thought that might be something different to try. I found a lot of recipes that involve all this mixing and measuring, separating egg whites, etc., which seemed like an awfully lot of trouble for a Sunday morning. So instead I went with a nice Giada de Laurentiis recipe that is basically just doctoring a a pre-made mix.

Ricotta Pancakes, adapted from Giada de Laurentiis

1 cup pancake mix
3/4 cup water
1/2 cup whole milk ricotta cheese
1 teaspoon of pure vanilla extract
zest of one lemon

Preheat non-stick skillet over medium-low heat. Stir water into the pancake mix until just combined. Add in the ricotta, lemon zest and vanilla extract and mix until combined, but batter is still lumpy. Don’t overmix. Add enough batter to the pan to make a 3-inch round circle and cook until deep bubbles form all over the surface. Flip and cook an additional two minutes. Either store in oven heated to 175 F or serve immediately.

Now, since I’m kind of indifferent to pancakes, I wanted something extra for mine. So I hustled up a half pint of blueberries, a quarter cup of water, a teaspoon of sugar and the juice of the lemon I zested and tossed it all in a saucepan. I let it come to a boil and then reduce down to make a syrupy, blueberry treat for my pancakes.

These were really good; the pancakes were fluffier than usual, with a nice sweetness to them punctuated by the bright citrus taste coming from the lemon zest. This was likely more evident when topped with the blueberries instead of a gallon of maple syrup, because when the husband was asked what he thought of these, he had no idea they were any different than the regular pancakes I make. Which I chose to take as a compliment, because he clearly enjoyed them. We had them with center cut bacon and eggs scrambled with sharp cheddar cheese and baby broccoli. Mmm… breakfast.

Well… maybe I don’t always make it the same way. Last night after everyone left, the husband said the chili was good and asked if it was for the blog. I thanked him and said yes it was, to which he replied he thought so, because I put whole chili peppers in there instead of diced and it seemed more bloggy. This was an adorable [and true] observation on his part, and it reminded me of what a good decision I made in keeping him around six years ago. Which was actually pretty easy: I just had to buy him a meatball sub and he was all mine!

And now that I’ve made everyone want to vomit with our cuteness, on to the food!

Chili of Doom

1 1/2 lb ground sirloin
2 tablespoons olive oil
1 onion, diced
2 cloves of garlic, minced
1 can (14.5 oz) diced tomatoes, with juice
1 can (14.5 oz) crushed tomatoes, with juice
8 oz beef broth
8 oz dark beer
12 oz tomato paste
1/2 cup brown sugar, loosely packed
3 tablespoons chili powder
1 tablespoon cocoa powder
2 teaspoons cayenne pepper
2 chili peppers, whole
salt and pepper to taste

Heat oil in a large stockpot. Add the onions and cook until translucent. Add the garlic and cook until fragrant; add in the ground sirloin and brown the meat. Add in all remaining ingredients except the tomato paste. Bring to a boil, then let simmer for about two hours over medium-low heat. Before serving, remove the chili peppers and stir in the tomato paste. Serve garnished with cheese and/or sour cream. Serves 6 – 8.

I have to say, this is pretty awesome chili. It’s not the hottest chili on the block, but it’s got a nice, smoky heat to it and has plenty of savory flavor. All the sweet ingredients add a nice depth of flavor, particularly the cocoa powder which is such a great pairing with any dish containing chilies. I tripled the recipe for yesterday’s poker game and there was nothing left at the end of the night. It’s definitely a crowd pleaser!

As part of the delicious Christmas dinner she cooked for us, she made Venus de Milo soup. I had never heard of it before, but it’s one of my husband’s favorites. And since he is her favorite son, she made it for the holiday [note: I'm sure she loves both of her delightful sons equally]. It’s an extreme comfort food; a rich, meaty broth peppered with diced vegetables and pasta, topped with Parmesan cheese. How can you go wrong?

Not a lot of pictures for this one – you know how I feel about soup and it’s unattractiveness.

Venus de Milo Soup
1 pound ground beef or sirloin
48 oz chicken broth
1 pkg. onion soup mix
2 large ribs celery, diced
2 medium carrots, diced
1/2 an onion, diced*
1/2 cup orzo
1 tbsp. Worcestershire sauce
salt & pepper to taste
grated Parmesan cheese for topping
* this is not in the original recipe, but I can’t help adding unnecessary steps.

In a large, heavy-bottomed pot, brown meat. Add in the Worcestershire sauce, celery, carrots and onions and let vegetables soften. Season with salt and pepper. Add in the onion soup mix and chicken broth. Bring to a boil. Let simmer for 20 minutes. Add orzo, cook an additional 8 – 10 minutes. Season again with salt, pepper and Worcestershire sauce if necessary. Serve immediately with freshly grated Parmesan cheese.

That’s it; a bunch of simple ingredients, but they come together really well. I’ve also looked at various website and have seen other variations on this soup – different vegetables, adding in diced tomatoes, different broths, etc. There’s a million ways you can prepare this, but I’m pretty sure all of them are going to be tasty.

But that reminded me of my own carbonara dish that I had yet to post; it was incredibly good and even though I always think of carbonara being a heavy dish, this was so light and flavorful that I regret not making it sooner. It was delicioso! See? Those are my Italian roots showing.

This is slightly less than authentic, but I’m not charging you $25 to eat my not-authentic food, am I? AM I? NO! And you know why? Because nothing I cook ever comes out exactly the same. I can follow the same recipe over and over again, yet inevitably I change something. It’s like my food is as unpredictable as my moods! Hee, sorry husband!

So without further ado, I bring you: Michelle’s Langostino Carbonara!

6 oz spaghetti/linguine/fettuccine
12 oz langostino (or lobster/shrimp/etc)
2 whole eggs
2 egg yolks
2 oz of Pecorino Romano, freshly grated
1 1/2 tablespoons lemon pepper seasoning, or to taste
2 tablespoons olive oil
4 oz pancetta, diced
1 large carrot, julienned
10 – 12 stalks of asparagus

Preheat oven to 200 F. Once oven is heated, place bowls in there to keep warm. Bring pot of salted water to a boil; add pasta. In a small bowl, whisk together whole eggs, egg yolks, lemon pepper seasoning, and grated cheese. In a medium sized pan, heat olive oil. Once hot, add in diced pancetta and cook until fat renders. Remove pancetta to a a plate lined with paper towels; drain off all but two teaspoons of fat from the pan.

Add in the carrots and asparagus and cook until tender. Add back in the pancetta and heat through. Set aside. Once the pasta is cooked to your preference, reserve 1/3 cup of pasta water and then drain pasta. Add pasta into the pan with the veggie mixture, along with egg mixture and toss to coat. If the sauce is too thick, add some of the reserved water. Serve immediately in warmed bowls.

Again, this is so good. I can’t say enough good things about this incredibly simple dish. Also, please note that when I say “lemon pepper seasoning” I don’t mean the crap that is powdered and bright yellow. I mean the stuff you can buy at Trader Joe’s or any other store worth its salt, that has whole black peppercorns, dried lemon peel and sea salt with a grinder on top. The lemony flavor adds so much to the dish and obviously complements the seafood and asparagus beautifully.

Super Bowl Party — it’s about friends and food. Some people like the commercials, some get into the game. And beer? That’s basic, Heineken? Pabst? It doesn’t matter much unless you’re Dennis Hopper:

For the past twenty years I’ve had a party for the Super Bowl, unless the Patriots (my team) are playing, then I go to other people’s parties so I don’t miss any of the game. My get-togethers started humbly with only beer and hard liquor. Years II to III, featured such treats as Jenos Pizza Rolls and Wieners in Wrappers. If I were old enough my party for the Jets-Colts would have looked like this:

I guarantee it.

But, damn, I’ve grown up. Invited this year is Michelle (writer of Food Shenanigans!) and her husband Dave along with six other people I love. I’ve already fantasized that after the party Michelle’ll just post “I quit, Tim’s too good” on her blog. Maybe she’ll say something nice after. [Ed. Note: This is certainly possible, but my ego likely won't allow it!]

This year here is the menu:

Robert Duvall’s Mother’s Crab Cakes.

Ingredients
1 pound crab meat, jumbo, lump or back-fin
2 heaping tablespoons mayonnaise
2 eggs, lightly beaten
1/2 teaspoon Worcestershire sauce
1/2 teaspoon cayenne pepper
1/4 teaspoon salt
1/2 small onion, grated
1/2 tablespoon mustard powder
18 Ritz crackers, crumbled
Directions
1. Combine all ingredients except the crackers. Add crackers crumbs in as close to sautéing as possible so that they crab cakes don’t get too moist from the other ingredients. Form into patties the size of hamburger patties.
2. Sauté in frying pan over medium-to-high heat in butter, 10 minutes per side. Make sure that it’s crispy outside but moist and juicy inside.
3. A simple tartar sauce to accompany the crab cakes can be made by mixing mayonnaise, grated onion and lemon juice.

These are the best crab cakes. I cannot order crab cakes out at any restaurants anymore because honestly, they are not as good as these. I also have a lot of really nice positive associations involving cooking these as a main course. (Yes, they got me laid). For a twist shake a few drips of chipotle tabasco in the tartar sauce.

Bacon-Wrapped Scallops with Timothy Gager’s crusty Twist

24 lg. sea scallops (about 2 lbs.)
12 slices bacon
Chopped Almonds
Seasoned pepper
Melted Butter

Rinse scallops with running cold water, pat dry with paper towels. Cut each bacon slice crosswise in half; wrap each half around a scallop, securing with a toothpick. Sprinkle scallops lightly with seasoned pepper. Chop almonds using a food processor or hit them with a hammer inside a zip-lock bag.

Preheat broiler. Place scallops on rack in broiling pan, with bacon facing the heating element. Broil 8 to 10 minutes until scallops turn opaque throughout, using tongs to turn scallops frequently so bacon will brown evenly on all sides. Submerge bacon wrapped scallops in butter and roll in almond pieces.

When I cook I know what ingredients go well together. Crusting the usual scallops wrapped in bacon is just enough extra care that people will say, “Oh, wow.” The scallops I’m going to use are fresh off the boat from Mitura Fishing Corporation. Fresh Scallops, no poisons or salt water baths which distributor of scallops use to plump them up. Only the best and freshest come from The Halina M [pictured on right].

Elizabeth Rawlin’s Lasagna for Idiots

Sauce

brown:
1 lb Italian sausage
4-5 cloves fresh garlic or about 1/3 cup minced from a jar
1 onion

add to:
1 15-oz can diced tomatoes
3 8-oz cans tomato sauce
~2 tbsp oregano
~1 tbsp basil
2 bay leaves or about 2 tsp crushed
~1 tsp sugar
1 cup water
pepper

simmer for at least 2 hours uncovered

cheese filling:
16-oz tub ricotta
~1 tbsp oregano
~1 tsp salt
~2 tsp pepper

2 8-oz packages Sargento six-cheese Italian blend (or a whole lot of mozzarella and about a third as much parmesan)

1 pkg lasagna noodles (no-boil is the best)

layer:

sauce
noodles
ricotta
sauce
cheese
noodles
ricotta
sauce
cheese
noodles
ricotta
sauce
cheese

325 for 45 minutes uncovered; let stand 15 minutes before cutting and serving.

Timothy Gager’s Meat or Vegetarian Chili

Half a Butternut Squash or One pound of ground beef and One pound of cooked steak
One can kidney beans drained
One large can of whole tomatoes
Two medium green peppers
Two medium to large onions
½ tablespoon of ground black pepper
¼ tablespoon of chili powder.

If using meat: Brown the meat, drain. Then add canned tomatoes, drained kidney beans, large chopped onions and peppers, cooked steak pepper and chili powder. Simmer for 90 minutes.

For vegetarian: don’t use or add the meat. Duh. Add the squash fifteen minutes before serving. If you add it too early it will break into tiny or become invisible and overwhelm the chili.

Timothy Gager is the author of eight books of fiction and poetry. He loves to cook and will often have multiple foodgasms. He lives on www.timothygager.com